Banjo Gets Honey
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: The ultimate battle


"I can't believe our luck!" said Banjo proudly as he and his Breegull buddie had finally finished scaling the seemingly unscalable mountain. There faces lit up with glee as they gazed upon the righteous outpouring of golden nectar spewing out from the upper crevices.

Banjo and his bird zoomed over to the sweet treat and fully engrossed themselves in delight. "Ah, honey! How I love you!" said Banjo with a joyful tear running down from his duct.

"It's a true wonder," replied his partner, licking up trace amounts of the succulence.

"BANJO!" squawked a familiar voice from below.

"Guh-oh!" yipped Banjo as he wiped his sticky paws on his shorts.

"Banjo! What are you doing here?" growled Kazooie as she Talon Trotted up the mountain side with relative ease. She looked over at the bird resting aboard Banjo's back. "Who's this loser?"

The bird smiled something gruesome and hopped out of the backpack. "I am the ultimate."

Kazooie shot a deadly gaze at the newcomer and loped over to Banjo's side. "What's going on here, Banjo?"

Banjo began to weep out of remorse. He fell to his knees and sobbed wildly. "I'm so sorry, pal! I wanted to go on an adventure, but you said 'no'. I needed a partner!"

Kazooie sighed disapprovingly and turned her attention back to the other bird. "State your name and business."

The other fowl flexed his wings and a fearsome red aura erupted from his core and enveloped his entire body. "I am Shadow the Birdhog. My business is taking you two down to rat town."

Kazooie jumped into her pack. "See if you can, turkey boy."

Banjo gulped. "I sense a battle coming on…"

Shadow charged towards Banjo at breakneck speed and kneed the honey bear in the big floppy nose.

Banjo bled all over the place and shoved his whole hand up his nostril. "Kazooie! Look what you've started!"

Kazooie rolled her eyes. "This is your fault, Banjo. You're lucky I'm helping you clean everything up despite how you abandoned me for this faker."

"Faker?" Shadow the Birdhog chuckled. "I think you're the fake Breegull around here. You're comparing yourself to me? HAH! You're not even good enough to be…"

"I'll make you eat those words!" shouted Kazooie as she took off into the skies with Banjo in tow.

Banjo dropped huge droplets of red cherry juice-like liquids from his nozzle and it rained down upon Shadow's edgy head.

Shadow ran around with his Breegull powers and pulled out a gun. He ran over to a Shock Pad, jumped up high, and launched lethal lead at the dynamic duo.

Kazooie got her feathers damaged by the bullets. "Blimey!" she growled as she cocked her neck and started firing grenade's at the pestilent piece of poultry.

Shadow absorbed the hatred as channeled the negativity into his evilness gauge. "This is gonna be one hot doodle…" he said with a deadly grin.

"Kazooie!" whined Banjo as more nasally blood dripped like a waterfall of vampire drinks.

Kazooie ignored her partner's plea and charged toward Shadow with an airborne Beak Buster.

"Not so fast!" said Shadow with a smirk. He pulled a golden puzzle piece out from his feathers. "JIGGY CONTROL!"

Time froze.

Shadow leapt behind Kazooie and kicked her in the back of her neck. Kazooie went flying into the honey fountains. Banjo's nose liquids mingled with the nectar, turning it a hazy orange with traces of bright green.

Kazooie coughed. "We have to stop him, Banjo…"

Banjo was shocked by the tainted honey and shot Shadow a glare of intense rage. He roared a mighty ursine cry and plodded towards the foe.

"Jiggy control!" Shadow said again slyly as he stopped the bear dead in his tracks. "You never cease to surprise me, my shorts-wearing friend…"

Then Banjo broke out of the spell and swiped a fearsome set of claws at Shadow's face.

"This is impossible!" cried Shadow. "Could this be…"

Banjo then felt a wave of energy pour out from his necklace and overwhelmed every bit of his body. Banjo marveled at his emanation.

Shadow gritted his beak (for as a Breegull, he had no teeth). "This opponent of mine possesses an otherworldly assemblage of style and finesse…" he mused aloud.

"It don't make no sense…" said Kazooie. She gasped as she then recalled that Banjo had once left alone to train in the mountains with Mr. Fit. "He must have gained the power of the Rare Replay…"

Banjo growled as he stared down Shadow. "You have plagued this beautiful land. But nay, you shall not continue to do so." Banjo darted forward and delivered an intense throat chop to Shadow's gobbly turkey neck. He then pulled off all of the edgy red feathers and replaced them with aesthetic pink and blue plumes.

Shadow shook off the burly bear and pulled out the biggest bazooka ever. He aimed at Banjo. "Say g'night, sweet pea!" Shadow rasped with charisma for the ladies.

Banjo howled and took in the power of the moon. His fur then turned golden. He brought his wrists together and then drew them back to his hip. "Bear…"

Kazooie gasped again. Was Banjo really about to perform the ultimate move? That would be so ultimate!

"Mare…" Banjo droned as all his energy seceded exclusively to his palms. "Hare… Mare…"

Shadow pulled the trigger.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!" Banjo screamed intensely with insane bear-horse-rabbit energies and struck Shadow in the dumb Breegull face.

And then it was over.

Go home. Banjo saved the day again.

 **THE GLORIOUS END**


End file.
